Our resident country music and political enthusiast Matt Armstrong matches each 2016 Presidential candidate to a country song in this Panel Online exclusive article
Jeb Bush “Pretty Good at Drinking Beer” – Billy Currington
-Pretty self explanatory
Ben Carson “It Won’t Be like This for Long” – Darius Rucker
-The pair are meant for each other: they are the two most likely to put you to sleep in their category
Chris Christie “Heavy is the Head” – Zac Brown Band
-Just imagine Chris Christie jamming to this song pre-debate, playing air guitar and violently shaking his head.
Ted Cruz “Cruise”- Florida Georgia Line
-You just know Cruz thinks the song is named after him
Carly Fiorina “Gunpowder and Lead” – Miranda Lambert
-You can feel the anger coming from both of these ladies
Pick Perry “Answer to No One” – Colt Ford
-Song made for the Perry campaign … Perry drops out shortly afterwards (coincidence?)
Donald Trump “If I Were President” – Cross Canadian Ragweed
-Scarily perfect
Hilary Clinton “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” – Taylor Swift (not country, but neither is Hillary)
-Imagine Hillary fake smiling, dancing to pop T-Swift, and claiming that it’s still country
Bernie Sanders “Traveler” – Chris Stapleton
-Bernie is to the left of politics as Stapleton is to the right of country music. Traveler is the most Bernie-esque song.
Ron Paul “Copperhead Road” – Steve Earle
-Pretty intense song, and they’re both from Kentucky. Would be a killer walkout song to a debate.
Marco Rubio “My Maria” – Brooks and Dunn
-Not too much going on here besides the Latin vibe
John Kasich “I Go Back” – Kenny Chesney
-Best song on the list. Not much sonically to do with Kasich, but Kasich always talks about the glory days of ‘broing’ out with Ronald Reagan, or Ohio when he gets a question, just like the song talks about: looking back at high school.
Mike Huckabee His version of “Hello” (starts at 0:21)
– Not country, I know, but still hilarious
