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Debate of the Issue: Vanilla

I had avoided this debate for months, because arguing with Jay about taste buds is like debating over who has more luscious hair — it’s pointless, and I’d win without a doubt. However, as the idea of debating vanilla vs. chocolate brewed in my head for the last few weeks, I realized that there is merit in debating the topic, for the argument itself transcends simple genetics. I am not a vanilla supporter because I was given some hereditary gene labeled “you shall like vanilla.” In fact, to dispel the notion that the vanilla vs. chocolate debate could be solved by simply analyzing genetics, I will mention that my dad is actually a zealous chocolate fan. He also likes eating radishes, so can we really trust him? Thus, here I am, about to tell you why vanilla is better than chocolate; let’s begin…

Everybody knows that when we’re discussing vanilla vs. chocolate, we’re talking mainly in terms of ice cream. Sure, I could do some research and find all the dishes that have vanilla in them and Jay could do the same with chocolate, but that’s not what the people pay to read. The people pay to see the heavy hitters, and there’s no heavier hitter (that’s a double entendre, because ice cream is both world-renowned and a good way to become heavier) than the refreshing delicacy that we call ice cream.

For starters, let me say that plain chocolate ice cream is absolutely Busch League when compared with plain vanilla ice cream. If I wanted to eat something that was unfathomably bitter and had the consistency of a sponge, I’d eat Jay’s side of the debate, because it’s bitter and full of holes. Boom. Roasted. Vanilla, on the other hand, has that smooth texture that is complemented so perfectly by its delicate sweetness.

The real value in vanilla ice cream, though, comes with its adaptability. For all you math studs out there, I like to call it the common denominator of the ice cream world. There simply are not any ice cream toppings or alternate ice cream flavors that will not mix well with vanilla. At times we may not even notice that vanilla ice cream is the base of so many classic flavors, but upon further research the evidence is countless. All of Oreo, Cookies and Cream, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, the Americone Dream, French Vanilla, and Moose Tracks are built up from the foundation that is vanilla ice cream. Sure, chocolate plays a role in several of those flavors, and it is true that I enjoy chocolate in small quantities, but I will embark on a heated argument with anyone who would proclaim chocolate to be the main ingredient in the aforementioned flavors.

If a bowl of some arbitrary ice cream flavor were to be described in  Hollywood terms, chocolate would be that forgettable cast member while vanilla would be Leonardo DiCaprio. I don’t necessarily dislike chocolate, I just think it’s less important, and so does Leonardo DiCaprio. Just like Leo desperately deserves to win an Oscar, vanilla undoubtedly deserves to win this debate. It’s in your hands now. Vote vanilla.


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