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Welcome to the inaugural issue of Volume 68 of The Panel! With Volume 67’s edi...read more

Debate of the Issue: Chocolate Candy

I first must concede that, within this debate, both sides offer some stellar choices to appease one’s sweet tooth, and this might be the toughest debate that Gabe and I have had the privilege to discuss. That being said, the large variety of tasty chocolate candies are simply too important to adults and children everywhere, and thus, it is unwise for someone to select another type of candy instead.

First, allow me to list off my starting five for Team Chocolate Candy: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups; Snickers; 3 Musketeers; Kit Kats; and Twix. That Dream Team alone can go toe-to-toe with any candy assemblance that Team Sweet Candy has to offer. While chocolate is obviously a common ingredient among each big name in the starting rotation, each candy has a unique flavor, ranging from peanut butter to crisp wafers to caramel that provides an incredibly exquisite taste. Team Chocolate additionally has some absolute superstars coming off of the bench, including the all-too-underrated Charleston Chew, the boring yet revolutionary Hershey Bar, plus Milky Way, M&M’s, and CRUNCH. The list just keeps going on and on, including some crazy-talented contenders like 100 Grand, Butterfinger, and Baby Ruth, all of which could make the case for being selected to this world-class chocolatey super-squad.

Meanwhile, sweet candies have several big names that I won’t mention out of self-interest, but they also own a plethora of bottom-of-the-barrel options like Peeps, those weird strawberry hard candies that always seem to appear in strange places, and worst of all, candy corn. Candy corn is an absolute fraud candy that somehow snuck its way into the conversation come Halloween, when in reality, the “candy” has no real redeeming qualities. For the purpose of investigative research, I decided to discover the ingredients of candy corn, and the list mentions just five things: sugar; corn syrup; food coloring; binders; and something called carnauba wax (yikes).  Not only is candy corn boring, tasteless, and containing a questionable carnauba wax, but this one candy alone is a huge knock on Team Sweet Candy as a whole, as it substantially brings down the overall quality of this branch of candies. Be better, candy corn.

As I wrap up my argument in favor of chocolate candies, I just ask that you try to return to your days as a young, innocent child and picture a Halloween without Reese’s Cups, 3 Musketeers, Twix, Snickers, or any other chocolatey treat. Not only would it ruin your holiday, but in all honesty, you would be a completely different person upon reaching adulthood. Chocolate offers an indulgence that immediately improves your level of happiness and state of mind (scientifically proven). In addition, chocolate is known to reduce the risk of heart attack, decrease blood pressure, and even help in weight loss according to one (false) study. That all sounds pretty good to me. That being said, chocolate’s taste and potential health benefits are all appetizing, emotional, and scientifically-proven beneficial reasons to side with Team Chocolate Candies come voting time. Make the right decision and choose Team Chocolate Candies.

 

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